Let’s start by getting it out in the open….. Parenting is hard! It’s demanding and stressful at at times. I think most would agree that it takes strength and commitment to stay focused on the family when often we feel as though we are giving up our own happiness in order to do this.
I would invite you to firstly look at what your expectations of becoming a parent were? Prior to our first baby, we don’t have any comparisons to go off. We also get to experience of a lot of firsts! It starts by falling pregnant, then going through pregnancy and imagining life with this little bundle, then buying all the brand new baby things etc, then birth (I hope for most of you reading this that the birth part wasn’t terribly scary either, mine certainly wasn’t) and then thats it… you’ve started the race without even knowing it!
At what point did we decide, discuss or make clear what our expectations of parenting were with out partner or loved ones? Or even connect with the beautiful bubba inside our tummy’s and try and send them good vibes about how ‘easy’ life will be on the other side for them and us.
So now we are running, we decide (often because society makes us feel pressure to move quick for various illogical reasons) that we should do it again. This is when without concentrating on it we have doubled our commitment and will soon have two people completely reliant on us for almost everything (depending on the age gap). Once again have we stopped, taken a breath and looked at what our new expectations will be when we have two children?
It is my belief that we go in with a little bit of false sense that we will be able to control them and parent them to fit into our life. Maybe we think they will listen to our orders and the more we focus on getting the orders right we will all cope better.
Unfortunately there is another person who more than likely has very different views to you on this and has just as much pull in this relationship – and that person is your child. They are their own person and as we all know, each one has their own very unique personality and behavioural traits.
I think a lot of parenting stress comes from the fact that firstly we didn’t accept or take in that disagreements, tantrums and problems are actually not you failing and are in fact a normal part of parenting. Different personalities trying to navigate life.
Secondly i think we start the journey under the false pretence that we MUST control them at whatever cost to keep relative peace and sanity and to prove to the people around is that we are in charge. Children are people and if they feel like they are being controlled too much then you will end up with a lot more parenting stress than you ever could have imagined, because they will push back on your control and you may then think the only option is to push back harder. Sounds stressful writing it!
P.E.T Can provide a ‘communication style’ that focuses on getting everyones needs met without the power and without giving in. Be humble as a human being and a parent and admit that you don’t actually know exactly what to say or do all the time and sometimes you actually feel like you are treading water as all your tricks are no longer working and its now just about survival.
I think you are al; amazing! Im only asking that you approach parenting like you would any new job – with an open mind and heart and the awareness to know that you will probably need someone to train you so you get it right and prosper at what you do.
MUCH LOVE x
Jacqui
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